I think I need a banner
I really do. I also need to shop.

Redecorating
I've made a few changes to the design of the site, trying to say goodbye to the last vestiges of the Cranberry Socks template which begat this whole sorry enterprise. I'm going for a sort of yellowy thing.

I'm thinking sunflowers...
I'm thinking summer...
I'm thinking sun-drenched kitchens...

I'm thinking about going back to purple.

German Pictures Online
If you're interested you can take a look at a few pictures of my recent trip to Germany by clicking here. A permanent link is also on the sidebar under Special Links.

Ugghh...
Just in case you ever forget who the bad guys are, Saudi English language daily, Arab News is at pains to remind you that it's, err..., them. Here's what they published the day after Holocaust Memorial Day. If you have a weak stomach you probably shouldn't click.

I'm angry. I've just sent the following email to their letters page. I doubt they'll publish it...


SIR:

I'll keep this one short and simple. I'd like to know how many people will lose their jobs over M. Kahil's April 10th Cartoon. Obviously Mr Kahil himself will be fired, but I think it is important that you assertain how it got past your editorial team. Clearly whoever had direct editorial control over the decision to publish must be let go as soon as possible.

Furthermore, an apology for the cartoon and deeply felt retraction are also in order. This is the only way your publication can regain any sense of decency.

Yours,
Kieran McCabe
Surrey, UK

Breaking news from the fringes of cyberspace
Two important events to detail for you:

[1] From the world of South Park the big news is that They Killed Kenny and nobody even noticed. Those Bastards!

[2] Popular blogger LoriLoo may have been outed. Apparently one of the students at her school in Korea is a regular reader. Where there's one, there's sure to be more. So, the obvious question is how long before the School Brass find out? Lori's Blog archives have already been mysteriously pruned, no doubt to keep the evil Drunk-Dialer and henchmen at bay.

How long she can maintain the blog at its current level of candour and keep her job, must be a matter of concern for her many fans around the world.

Is there no end to this quiz thing?


Which Evil Criminal are You?

I'm so ashamed.

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse...
I opened some of the mail, which I had been avoiding opening since returning. To set this up, I need to provide context.

I'm not tidy. I'm a slob. I'm male. I'm a un-tidy hetrosexual male slob who lives by himself in a flat with serious damp and mold issues. And I went on holiday to Germany for two weeks. And I didn't tidy before I left. And I left dirty dishes in the sink and in various other places.

And apparently my landlord chose the very moment of my absence to do a property viewing.

Oh my, oh my.

So I just read a very snooty letter. You though my un-posted letter to Ryan Air was snooty (it was kinda snooty) but this letter takes the cake. To cut a long story short, they'll be back. Tomorrow. And I have a lot of tidying and cleaning to do. And I have no one to blame but myself. And you.

But mostly you.

What sort of storybook character I am
I'm really not proud of this, not at all, but I've taken another one of those quiz things.

which children's storybook character are you?

this quiz was made by colleen

Why no one at Ryan Air is comitting suicide today
No, I didn't send the letter to Ryan Air. I didn't have to. It seems just writing it was therapy enough.

I was at Friedrichshafen Airport two hours early yesterday. The new ticket was nearly than triple the original price, but hey, the combined price was still less than I would have paid to fly via GO out of Zurich. And I got to see a Zeppelin on the ground, so I'm not crying. And besides, I've just spent an hour catching up on my favourite blog, LoriLoo. She seems to have such a terrible time of it; Makes my mis-adventures with the Check-In Chick at an obscure German Airport seem kind of trivial by comparison.

Listening to Alisha's Attic - Push It All Aside. God I love this song.

I feel a little bad about describing Check-In Chick's arse as "sizable" in the letter posted below. I got to meet her again yesterday. In actual fact she was kind of boney. As Justin is want to say "No cushion for the pushin'." Even I disown Justin when he says things like that. (Actually, I recently discovered that he borrowed that particular phrase from the movie Blue Streak, of which he is inordinately fond)

Anyhow, Check-In Chick seemed kind of thrown to see me at the check-in line. Am I that cliched overweight English-speaker who travels the world getting loudly obnoxious with those crazy furreners and their accented yammerings? I might just be. When did I get old? Is 33 old? I'll be 34 this year and I think that's officially old. Just a couple of months of quasi-youth left.

Does anyone have Gwyeneth Paltrow's phone number on speed dial? I hear she's single at the moment.

Home again, home again
Back in the UK. Lots of German Sojourn details to follow. To-morrow. To-riffic!

Why I am angry. So very, very angry
I should be back in England right now, carefully crafting page after page of blog detailling my adventures in Germany. I'm not in England, I'm still in Germany. If you want to know why, read the following letter, which I will be posting to Ryan Air this very day.

I am so bitter.


6 April, 2002

Customer Standards Department
Ryan Air, Head Office
Dublin Airport
County Dublin
Ireland

Dear Sir or Madam:

This is one of those letters where I say bad things about your company and which you will be tempted to ignore. Please don’t. I am in a very bad mood and someone is going to make me happy, or I will get angrier. As I type this letter I am in Germany. I don’t want to be in Germany. I should be back in London. For some reason this upsets me, and I blame you.

A few weeks ago I booked a seat on Ryan Air’s 2:57pm flight from Friedrichshafen to London Stansted (Ref xxxxxx). I got a very good price on this ticket. In fact I was so pleased with this price, I recommended Ryan Air to many friends, and even published a short piece on my Internet Weblog, which was very complimentary of your Airline. This is called customer satisfaction. Most marketing types will tell you that this kind of word of mouth is a good thing.

At no later than 2:30pm this afternoon (and, in all honesty, I think it was a little earlier) I arrived at Ryan Air’s makeshift check-in counter at Friedrichshafen Airport. It was closed. As I waited, I heard announcements calling for passengers to board. I went to the boarding gate, from where I could see the Airplane and people boarding. This is a very small airport; the plane was practically spitting distance away. Eventually, after a few enquiries, someone was found. It was the women who had until recently been staffing the check in. I recognised her as someone who had walked past me five minutes earlier, as I stood at check-in, without bothering to wonder whether it might be worth her while to ask me what I wanted. She was not a Ryan Air employee because, as you may or may not know, you don’t actually have any staff on-site in Friedrichshafen. Don’t get me started.

To cut a long story short, after much arguing and general frustration it turned out that she was not going to let me board because check-in was closed. As if I was supposed to be impressed by that piece of information. The plane was still on the ground, the baggage hold was open, people were boarding and if the officious little bureaucrat had bothered to get off her sizable arse, I could have been on the plane with time to spare. But no, “Is impossible.”

So it was impossible, I would have to fly tomorrow. Aaargh. OK, let’s rebook. “Yes sir, that will be 119 Euros plus a 60 Euro rebooking fee.”

What the #$&*?

They bump me because I was a minute or two late for check-in (debatable), and then want me to pay for a full fare ticket for the following day. They also wanted a 60 Euro re-booking fee, despite it only being 15 on your website. OK, so what if I just book a new ticket, without rebooking?

“I’m sorry, we can’t do that on our system.”

Think about that. Your representative on the ground in Friedrichshafen is unable to sell tickets. Aren’t you even a little bit ashamed?

What it comes down to is this. I have booked a return flight for Tuesday over the phone (Ref xxxxxx). I am currently between jobs and so the only reason I was able to visit my friend in Germany was that cheap fare. I simply couldn’t afford the tickets for Sunday or Monday. Why am I angry?

One, it didn’t have to happen. I only had very small carry-on luggage. I could have been on the plane in 15 seconds if your officious representative had had a sympathetic bone in her body. Customer Service is about going that little extra mile to make your customer happy. All she had to do was type a couple of words on her computer and I would probably be home by now.

Two, I shouldn’t have to pay. OK, maybe I’ll eat the advertised 15 Euro re-booking fee, but I just can’t believe I have to pay for a new ticket. My experience of being bumped by other airlines in the past has been very different: Upgrades, cash, hotel bookings, meal vouchers, etc. I know Ryan Air is cheap, but there’s a difference between cheap and mean. The low fares airline does not have to be the low standards airline.

So it’s up to you. Do the right thing. I’m a nice person; ask anybody. Why don’t you go grab that chequebook right now? I promise you, you’ll feel good about yourself. Make this customer happy, because if you don’t I won’t be back and I promise you that I will tell others. Everyone I meet, I will tell to avoid Ryan Air. I will also be adding the text of this letter to my Internet Weblog, so people from all around the world will be able to read of your extraordinary customer service standards.

I’ll have to pull out the old thesaurus.

Please be nice, it’s just plain easier.

Sincerely,
Kieran McCabe


Why Stop There
And why stop there? It might be fun to create a Ryan Air Watch page. Just from the number of people at the airport yesterday with missing luggage, and from what I’ve heard of Ryan’s near legendary late departure record, I should have little difficulty finding embarrassing stories to post. With a little bit of effort I bet I can get my web page to the top of Internet search rankings for Ryan Air. Wouldn’t it be great? Someone does a search for Ryan Air’s home page and they get three or four pages of me venting my spleen.

Oh who am I kidding? I'd never really do that.... Or would I?