Stupid quiz result of the week
I haven't done one of these stupid blog personality quizzes in a long time, so I guess I was due. Apparently this is how I'm going to horribly kick the bucket. Can't wait.


You will drink too much gin. Not the worst way to
die, but you won't remember too much of your
life. Hey, at least you made some people laugh!

What horrible Edward Gorey Death will you die?
brought to you by Quizilla

See me panic
Just in case you were unsure, I am insane.

On Friday the 4th day of April I finish my final day of work with my current employers. In England. Four days later I start working for a new company. In Germany. With me so far? Good. So, given that I'm changing my job, moving house and country and all that, you might think that everything would have been organized long ago. But you'd be wrong.

That's right, I have done nothing whatsoever to arrange the removal of my stuff. Nada. Zip.

Squat.

Well, perhaps that's not entirely true. I have packed a lot of my stuff into boxes. That's a start, right? Oh who am I kidding! I haven't even called the Electricity or Gas people yet.

I am just so unbelievably bad at this kind of thing, but today, one week from the day I'd hoped my stuff would be picked up, I've realised that pure blind panic is the only thing I have going for me right now. I'm as scared as hell, and I should be as scared as hell. It's the right thing for me to be at this point.

Entirely appropriate.

On pirates being the new monkeys
I love pirates, I've always loved them. Ever since I saw my first swash-buckler as a boy I've wanted to grab a sword, a wench and a parrot and hit the high seas. Pirates are cool, they just are. There's no explaining it. And finally, it seems, the rest of the world is starting to catch up.

"Pirates are the thinking man's monkey," states Ryan Yount, author of the essay "Pirates Are the New Monkeys."

"I mean, sure, monkeys will always be funny, by virtue of the fact they are, well, monkeys," says Yount in SFweekly . "But pirates. Pirates have a whole world to draw from.

"Think about it: A monkey puts on clothes, and it's funny. A monkey gives you the finger, pulls out a gun, eats his own shit, it's funny. Pirates can do all that, and more."

Well, quite.

But he's right, isn't he? Pirates may be murderous, heartless bastards, but funny heartless bastards, you know? They slice and dice with verve and wit.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel down the front of his pants.

The bartender says, "Hey, you've got a steering wheel down the front of your pants."

The pirate says, "Arrr, I know. It's drivin' me nuts."

We all remember the corny pirate jokes from our childhood.

"What's a pirate's favourite letter?"

"Arrrr, me matey! Arrrr!"

Think you're above those kind of puns? Pirate jokes too juvenile for you? Well, have I got news for you! Thanks to the folks at McSweeney's here are a bunch of Pirate Riddles for Sophisticates.

Convinced? Are you ready to go piratical? If you think you can pull it off, Dorothy of Cat and Girl fame has the some helpful fashion tips, so you won't look out of place on the Spanish Main this summer.