Websites you should visit (while I get drunk(er))
It's a little early to be this squiffy, but I'm not going to let that slow me down. So, before I head off to the pub, I thought you might like to visit a couple or three websites that are worthy of your attention:

• I like Canada. I like Canadians. What a wonderful people! But sneaky, you know? Even now, as I type (and finish off another watermelon Bacardi Breezer) there are forces at work in Canada, plotting to take over the world. Souix Lookout, Ontario: Charming fishing resort and showpiece of indigenous culture or centre of an international conspiracy to put a Tim Hortons on every street corner? Don't believe me, well take a look at this! Thanks to this well meaning turncoat for alerting me to her countrymen's nefarious plans.


• Some people have no shame. Here's one of them.


• You owe it to yourself to learn more about Geocaching, the coolest new sport since Rollerball.

Rabbit with pancakes
The flags they are a-fluttering here in the UK this weekend. As you may or may not know, it is exactly fifty years since the Queen ascended the throne. In the Queening biz, this is what is known as a Golden Jubilee. By a happy co-incidence, this is also the opening weekend of the World Cup, and England is playing Sweden on Sunday morning.

It would perhaps be indelicate to ask which flags were flying for which event. Soccer fans supporting the national squad or errr... Queen fans supporting the Queen.

And so it has come to pass that today I did something rather unusual. Unusual, that is, for an Australian who, in his native land, is an avowed republican, and who furthermore has little or no interest in Soccer.

Today this Australian hung a flag in his front window. A British flag. In fact, a very large Union Jack. Why I happened to have a large Union Jack in my possession (and a Stars and Stripes, if you must know), but no Australian flag, is a long and tedious story.

The song says, "Don't believe the hype." Well, I'm sorry, but I've always believed it. I love the hype. I revel in it. I like to get down in the mud and roll around naked in nothing but hype. I went to the opening midnight screening of Attack of the Clones, I follow the ins and outs of Big Brother religiously, and I'm currently fascinated by all things World Cup.

Sunday morning I'll be in the pub watching England squish Sweden. I'll cheer, I'll scream, I'll ask people to explain the rules. But mostly I'll drink. Then I'll go home for lunch and think wholesome thoughts about the Queen.

So, for the duration of the Jubilee long weekend, this Rugby League loving Australian Republican is going to become a Soccer loving, flag hanging British Monarchist.

To celebrate, here's a picture of a rabbit with two pancakes on its head.



It's going to be a great weekend. Parades, concerts, big sporting events and beer. Lots and lots of beer. For now anyway, I’m loving every minute of it. As long as you're buying, I'll support your team too!

But the flag comes down Wednesday. Sorry, Maam.

Bye bye Byers


Am I the only person in the UK who feels sorry for Stephen Byers? I mean, what has he actually done wrong? He told a few inconsequential lies, to be sure, but what politician doesn't lie? Since Blair handed him the poison chalice portfolio of Transport, Byers' once high-flying career has been on the fast track to disaster. The press has eaten up his resignation with an almost indecent glee.

There was a young man named Byers
Who thought that all pollies were liars
Was he right? It's for naught
'cause Stephen got caught
And the press dance around funeral pyres.

It's not how big it is, it's what you do with it that counts
From the less really is more department comes official confirmation that size no longer matters.

I don't want to gush or anything, but this is just about the coolest thing I've ever seen. So, gentle reader, without any further ado, I present unto you, the World's Smallest Website. I promise that you will be amazed. And don't forget to play the games.

So cool!

And speaking of tiny games, this site has a whole collection of little gems designed to help your work day pass with little or no actual effort on your part.

Pity this fool
It's nearly four o'clock in the blessed AM. I awoke not ten minutes ago with a sudden, awful realisation. I raced into the living room to check.

It was as I feared.

Oh cruel fate, how you mock me!

How is it possible? What have I done to deserve this? It was sitting there for two whole months. On the table. Right beside the computer. In plain sight.

I've wanted it for so long. It would have been a dream come true. Now it's a dream cast casually aside. I have no one to blame but myself. This will be the point where the line is drawn in the sand. When dark bitterness and ennui finally overtook the tattered remnants of my hope.

I am bereft.

I fear I will be telling therapists about this night of pain years hence.

Even now, I pick it up and read.

Oh, my.

The Royal Albert Hall, Door 2 , Arena A, Row 10, Seat 016. £27.50 -- Monday, May 27 2002 at 7:30 PM (doors open an 6:45 PM).

Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my.

How could I possibly forget?!? Whatever possessed me?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrgggghhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is no comfort in my forgetfulness. There is no hope in lost dreams. There is only nothingness.

--- I MISSED THE JEWEL CONCERT ---

Someone shoot me.

Fun with bookmarklets
I love bookmarklets. It's amazing what you can accomplish with just a few lines of JavaScript. Anyhow, just for fun, here are a few bookmarkets that currently take pride of place on my IE Links toolbar. I wish I could give credit where credit's due, but I've pulled them from a variety of sources.

To add any of these bookmarklets, drag the link (next to the bullet) up to your own Links Toolbar. Just drag it!

• drw -- Careful! Only use this bookmarklet after you've dragged it to your Links toolbar. Clicking on it will allow you to draw over the top of the current web page. Click again to turn things back to normal. I've only just found this one, so I can give you the source.


• goo -- Search Google for the highlighted text.


• def -- I am possibly the world's worst speller, so I use this bookmarklet all the time. It looks up the definition of the highlighted word at Dictionary.com.


• fnd -- Dontcha just hate that IE ctrl F thing? So annoying. This bookmarklet will highlight every instance of the requested word.

Have fun!

Kieran gets arty
I spent a few hours today trying to come up with a new title banner for this here blog. If you're interested, you can see some of the rejected designs by clicking here. Go on, take a look.

Do you like the new one? What do you think of the reject pile?

Please tell all.

What to do when you hope it's custard on your front window
On Saturday morning, I did what I do every Saturday morning. I slept. A little after twelve, I wandered out into the elements in order that I might acquire my Saturday essentials, fresh bread and a newspaper. On my way out I noticed that my front window had been sprayed with something. It looked a little like custard. At least I hoped was custard.

Why anyone would want to spray my window with globs of vanilla-ish gunge was beyond me.

Oooh, I thought, I must do something about that.

Sunday morning, I was up bright and early. I was looking forward to riding up to Reigate. It was raining. Yes! I love riding my bike in the rain. It means less traffic, and no one can tell how much I'm sweating.

Oh, who am I kidding? I can out-sweat a Sri Lankan monsoon.

As I wheeled by bike out past my front window I remember thinking: I really must do something about that custard when I get back.

As I returned home, cold, wet and thoroughly exhausted, I noticed the custard again. After I've had a nap, I thought, I really must... Oh you get the picture.

This morning, this bright and glorious Monday morning, I decided that today I would do something about the possible custard on the front window. After my coffee. And my juice. And the beans on toast. And after I'd watched a couple of hours of Big Brother 3 live. Incidentally, I love the way E4 gives you the two live feeds and the two highlight feeds, so if one group of inmates gets boring, you can just switch to the other. What did people do before digital satellite anyway?

After that, I did something about the window.

Yay me.

As I washed the window, I began to notice that it would have been a little dirty even without the custard. And for that matter, it seemed that all the windows were a little dirty.

Suddenly I felt motivated and, for the first time since I moved into this place, I scrupulously cleaned all the windows. I am so proud of myself. Or I was so proud.

It seems that cleaning windows armed with good intentions is not enough. As I peer now through each window in turn, I notice that they're somewhat harder to see through than before. How is that possible? And there are these funny little bubbly streaks. Eeek!

Does anyone know how to clean windows without leaving those annoying white bubbly streaks?

Just before you run off and read one of your other blogs (not that I'm jealous or anything, but I really think we need to deal with some boundary issues here) I just want to point you towards this bit, which left me giggling. I know it's a little past topical, what with Tom and Nicole signing for their own show on the History Channel, but it's still worth a quick look.

And certainly more interesting than my windows.

Blogrolling in our time
Today I am adding two blogs to my list. The one thing both of these guys share is a strong (though diametrically opposed) philosophical outlook.

• Vegan Blog -- I'm a vegetarian. You knew that, right? As I've said elsewhere on this blog, I'm not a vegetarian for moral reasons; I don't eat meat because I don't like the taste. The guy who runs Vegan Blog is just the opposite. While I dissagree with his meat is murder school of Vegetarianism and his neo-luddite, hippy-dippy, anti-technological world view, he's a Vegetarian. So, one of the good guys, right? Anyway, it does a body good to read things you might not agree with. It stops you from becomming too complacent and keeps you on your toes.


• A Skeptical Blog -- I'm a skeptic. You knew that, right? This is a new blog, but already shows a lot of promise. Actually, this blog is everything I wish my blog was. His most recent bit is a take down of professional con man Uri Gellar.