Kieran is...
My thanks to Michele of Small Victory fame for introducing me to a new game. It's pretty simple, any fool can do it, which is, I suppose, why I found it such a giggle. All you do is visit Google and type your name followed by the word IS, all in quotes. So I type "kieran is" and I get a laugh riot in return. You, on the other hand, might type "fabian is", assuming, of course, that your name really is Fabian.

I hope it isn't.

Actually, while we're on the Fabian thing, when I was in High School I used to know a guy with a strange hobby. He used to put on a pair of Coke bottle glasses, walk into the various hamburger joints and milk bars of Cronulla, and assume the identity of Fabian, a very special boy.

As often as not, it would start something a little like, "I'M FABIAN. I'M SPETHAL!"

He would then proceed to grab whichever chocolate bar struck his fancy, stick it in his mouth, wrapper still on, and slobber loudly, "FABIAN [...slurp...] WANT [...slurth...] MARS BAR."

It always eneded the same way. The shop owner would yell at Fabian, and before it went too far, a rescue party would appear.

"There you are, Fabian! Mum's been worried sick! You've been bad! Bad Fabian! Bad, bad Fabian!" And with that, they would drag my friend off, to share their booty of chocoloate bars and laugh themselves silly.I'm pretty sure the shopkeeprs knew, I mean they must have talked to each other. Perhaps they got as much of a kick out of it as the kid from my school.

But I digress.

Kieran is...

• Kieran is a Gaelic name meaning "little dark haired one"


• Kieran is a hot-blooded warrior, tall in stature, and as handsome as Adonis


• Kieran is a nice man and a wonderful hero, and is oh-so easy to fall in love with


• Kieran is taken by Fiona -- and vice versa


• Kieran is professor of mathematics education


• Kieran is Free!


• Kieran is sick


• Kieran is supportive


• Kieran is growing up!


• Kieran is on the ball and gets Carl to the vet just in time. Hooray!


• Kieran is going to get a complex if more people don't post some THOUGHTS & PRAYERS!


• Kieran is still remembered in many of these places


• Kieran is a self-taught painter


• Kieran is one of a class of year 6 children


• Kieran is a genuine local


• Kieran is currently producing a Dickie Freeman


• Kieran is tracking an embezzler


• Kieran is following fast in the footsteps of his enterprising wife


• Kieran is a superb translator who makes them come alive


• Kieran is a real love with beautiful large blue eyes, lovely dark point color and an extremely sweet


• Kieran is married and has three children in Ireland and all his relatives are very distressed about his disappearance


• Kieran is a quieter, more affectionate child


• Kieran is a young English nobleman of the late 16th century


• Kieran is an international canoeist


• Kieran is a good-natured, undemanding little guy most of the time


• Kieran is the head of the "Surveillance of the Internet" division


• Kieran is behind me 200% and will back me on all issues that I enforce


• Kieran is a registered 7/8 English/Irish donkey, he is also a handsome boy with a lovely gentle temperament and he has some terrific donkeys


• Kieran is just going to say Fuga-gar-googolplex right afterwards


• Kieran is our computer kitty


• Kieran is totally sexy


• Kieran is sheer goodness


• Kieran is eating his shirt


• Kieran is a very physical man


• Kieran is well ahead of the posse


• Kieran is questioned by Detective McGriff of the local police force because he was been found in the apartment of Cindy Moran along with the tenant's corpse


• Kieran is arrested immediately and thrown in prison to await sentencing


• Kieran is still delayed in court


• Kieran is set free


• Kieran is very pleased to be asked and touched by the gesture


• Kieran is forever beholden to the childless farm couple who raised him


• Kieran is now doing very well, catching up on everything he missed out on while in hospital


• Kieran is determined to conquer the rebellious beauty-body and soul


• Kieran is oblivious to the attentions of Siobahn, the surly assistant at his butcher's shop, until it's almost too late


• Kieran is determined to marry Riona, but she can't accept his temper and the male arrogance common among the men of her time


• Kieran is impulsive and often unthinking


• Kieran is more than he seems

Keep those bloggies rolling...
Hello again, gentle reader. Today I am adding another pair of bloggers to my list. It's taken a while, but finally I have a pair worthy of your love. Funny, clever and far away, I take great pleasure in recommending unto you:

• I was never a big fan of marmalade as a kid. As far as I was concerned it was nothing but sour jam with orange peel in it. Thankfully this lady, Marmalade, is rather less bitter, her writing is very a-peel-ing and I'm sure it wont be long until you'll be jell-o-ing with her unique point of view. And while we're on the topic, if you're a Margarita fan (and who isn't) this guy has a few words to say on the contribution of Lime Marmalade to western culture.


• Scott of The Daily Despair is a scriptwriter by trade, but he dabbles. Right now he's on day five of shooting his very own science fiction classic, Science Bastard. You will thrill as Scott describes the pleasure of his evening, as he watches TV while preparing a gruesome chest wound for the next day's shooting. Despite his blog title, it's clear that Scott is an unabashed optimist.

Is it or isn't it? -- Updated
Is it really him? I'll be damned if I know. One thing's for sure, whoever's behind it is pretty funny.

Update
The link is now dead. I think we can assume it was killed by someone without a sense of humour. What a shame.
It's back, I guess I jumped the gun on that one -- Ooops.

The kaymc reader
Here are some interesting articles that I've come across recently:

• 'Thinking' robot on the lam from scientists. I kid you not: "Since the experiment went live in March they have all learned a significant amount and are becoming more intelligent by the day but the fact that it had ability to navigate itself out of the building and along the concrete floor to the gates has surprised us all."
  


• Fast food sends Japanese schoolgirls into sexual feeding frenzy! Reseachers have blamed the humble Whopper for turning an entire generation of young Japansese women into raving nymphomaniacs. See if you can follow this:
  
  "Sex addiction, which involves having sex with numerous different partners over a short period, is related to bulimia. Fast food so popular among young people is absorbed unnaturally quickly by the body, making it easy for bulimia to develop," says researcher Kazuo Sakai. "Bulimia makes it harder to control the central nervous system and a chain reaction makes it easier to develop other addictions. Sex addiction is a case in point."
  


• 15 Answers to Creationist Nonsense. This fabulous article from Scientific American provides the intellectual ammuntion you need to arm yourself against one aspect of the creeping tide of superstition in our society. It has never been more vital that we stand firm.

Kitty slapping - updated!
Hot on the heels of Cock Fighting and Bear Baiting comes another excellent example of knockdown nature in action. Yes, my friends, thanks to the worldwide wonder that is the Internet, you too can enjoy the pussy pounding pleasure of Cat Boxing.

Soon to be litterbox-names such as Bootsy "Bad Ass" and Poppy "The Punisher", duke it out on living room floors from Pittsburgh to Perth, while proud as punch owners record the action for posterity. No pussy footing around, this is raw cat on cat action!

Fascinated fans of fashionable feline fisticuffs are thanking their lucky stars for these terrific tabby tuffs and their frenetic fur-flying frollics.

There is no doubt about it, these warrior kitties are kicking it old-school!

Update!
My thanks to the wonderful Edie, of the soon to be renamed Adventures in Dating, for pointing me towards this sublime entry from Erin Hayes' Wet Paint. Thank god the kitties of Ireland stood firm, that's all I have to say.

Christopher Price: An update
Long-term readers may remember this piece lamenting the death of BBC presenter Christopher Price. At the time, there was much speculation in the press about the possibiliy of suicide or a drugs related death. Today the coroner today released a "natural causes" verdict. Price died of heart failure caused by meningoencephalitis, a rare brain disease similar to meningitis. You can read the full story here.

Babel on
I found an amazing little site today called Lost in Translation. The idea is that you feed it a piece of text in English, and it produces something a little like that old primary school favourite, Chinese Whispers.

It makes use of Alta Vista's Babel Fish engine to translate your words into a foreign language, and then again to translate the result back into English. It takes the resultant text and repeats the process with four other languages, so that the text you end up with has been washed by the Babel Fish ten times in total.

I tried it with a bunch of famous quotes, song lyrics and proclaimations of love for goats. For some reason, every piece I tried ended up containing the word(s) "straight-line" and was largely non-sensical. I also discovered that the Babel Fish has very little time for sheep.

In the end, I ran with an excerpt from the About Me section over there on the left of this page. Here is the original english text:

"I like my espresso strong, my curry hot, my pistachios salty, my women curvy and I want plenty of ice with that coke. I prefer cider to beer, red wines to white, cold nights to warm ones and brunettes to blondes."

How cool am I, huh? But I digess. After being translated back and forth to French, German, Italian, Portuguese and Spanish, I finally got this:

"Expressed esteem extremely of the mine, called average of Curry, my salato Pistazien, mogli of the mine curvy and desire the abundance to the ice with this coke. I prefer the Zider with the beer, of that the wines, that are to the nights sleepless and the cold time the end to warm up the excess that and of brunettes this to this blond red color. "

"...and Jacob begat Hezekiah who begat Moab (and his washpot). And the mountains will sink, and the valleys shall rise, and great will be the tumult thereof, I should think." Well, it sounds like biblical prophesy to me, anyway.

Inexplicably, the text contains several non-english versions of words for which we have perfectly acceptable English translations, in fact you only have to look at my original text to find them. Oh, well.

Speaking of Babel Fish, do any of you remember the old Infocom text adventure based on the Douglas Adams' Hitch-hicker's Guide to the Galaxy? That game contained what is still, to my way of thinking, the most delightfully entertaining puzzle ever devised by man, woman or Canadian. As every hitch-hiker worth his salt knows, you need a Babel Fish to stick in your ear. Now if you really don't know what a Babel Fish is, or just why you might want to stick one in your ear, may I suggest that you click here. I could try to paraphrase Adams' wonderfully witty prose, but there's such a thing as over-reaching.

If you remember the book, or the TV series, or even the radio adaption, then you know that Arthur Dent acquires the Babel Fish from a handy-dandy Babel Fish Dispensing Machine. Which is all very good, except in the game there are a variety of unexpected problems preventing you from actually using these fish.

The wondefully complex solution to the so-called Babel Fish Problem is one which never leaves you. If you've played the game, you probably have a warm smile on your face just thinking about it. If you haven't played the game, what are you waiting for? The original game is available online for you to play, right now, for free!. This very second. Online! Both of these locations contain many more games from the old Infocom back catalogue, which includes such classics as Zork and Planetfall.

• Telnet Version (allows you to save your game, but slow -- Hey, it's Telnet, whaddya expect?)


• Java Version (prettier, but no save/restore allowed)


• Online Documentation (Scanned copies of everything that came in the original box)

Remember, you have to actually get on the Vogon ship before you come up against the Babel Fish problem. That may take a while in itself, so be prepared for the long haul. If you get stuck on the way, you can go here for hints and/or solutions. Warning: Don't look at the hints for the actual Babel Fish problem, you shouldn't deny yourself the exquisite pleasure of solving it for yourself.

P.S. No, I don't think this game will be coming out on your Playstation 2 anytime soon.

She breaks up with guys 30 times a day
You too can join Cheryl Thompson's ever growing list of Ex-Boyfriends. Click here to apply. Emotional dysfunctionality without the heartache.

Invoking the big brother
Today I'm going to teach you a new skill. Today you will learn how to invoke the spirit of Big Brother.

If you feel that you are sufficiently pure of heart, then let us commence our little ritual. We have to do such things the right way or the divine big one may not visit. We must constantly remind ourselves to stay true to the spirit of puriance and voyeurism which informs every aspect of the Big Brother experience.

First off, let us begin with a little quiet time. I want you to relax, just relax. Slowly breathe in. And out again. In. And out. Good.

Now, turn off the lights, sit in a circle and light the scented candles. Excellent.

Everyone hold hands and repeat after me: "Big Brother Three is not as dull as dishwater. It's going remarkably well. I mean, considering. And some of the contestants are really very interesting."

Big Brother is certainly listening, but may not deign to hear your request straight away. Keep repeating the words until you're sure you have been heard. If you have performed the rites with sufficient humility and purity of vision, you should now begin to feel an other-wordly presence in the room. Don't panic, it is now time to make your supplication.

Making your request of Big Brother: Placing their right pointer finger carefully on the Red button of their remote control, the supplicant should slowly chant the following words: "Oh great one, it stands to reason that Jade and PJ will have been nominated for eviction yesterday."

About now you should hear the deep rumbling of a mighty wind. "It is decidedly so."

"Well, in light of Lee's confirmation yesterday of what actually happened under Jade and PJ's sheets the other night (and how many times it happened), I just don't think I could handle the idea of either Jade or PJ being evicted. Clearly Britain wants more nooky."

"So?"

"Is it BJ who will go?"

"Who? Err... I mean, the signs are unclear."

"It's to be Jade?"

"Don't count on it, sonny."

"But surely one of them will have to go?"

"Not necessarily."

"But how, Big Brother? Will someone else be nominated as well? Someone to take the heat?"

"You can count on it."

"You don't mean Alex? Oh, divine spirit of Big Brother, are you suggesting that when they announce the nominations for eviction later today that Jade, PJ and Alex will all be on the list."

"Signs point to Yes."

"But how can you know that? I thought the nominations were completely secret? Have I got time to pop out and place a bet?"

"Big Brother will get back to you."

And with that you should begin to pull out of the trance. Congratulations! you have successfully contacted the spirit of a dead TV show.

Majority opinion
The early reviews are in, and one thing's for certain, Minority Report is going to be big Big BIG!

It's been a long time since I first heard about the script for this film. The intervening years have only heightened my level of anticipation. Each casual detail of production revealed slowly adding fire to my excitement. In this blog I have already admitted my shameful susceptibility to hype. I am prone to build things up so much that I can only feel eventual disappointment by their prosaic reality.

It is a mistake I seem incapable of avoiding.

But this time -- I know, I know -- this time things are going to be different. This time I have high hopes that my high hopes will be met. Highly.

I just know it.

Minority Report is based on a fantastic short story by Phillip K Dick. Dick, as you may know, wrote the Sci-Fi classic "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?" on which Bladerunner, in many people's opinion the greatest Science-Fiction film ever made, was based.

According to Richard Corliss in Time Magazine, Minority Report is "Spielberg's sharpest, brawniest, most bustling entertainment since Raiders of the Lost Ark."

Todd Macarthy of Variety says it's "a straight-ahead man-on-the-run film noir yarn with extraordinary technological postulations" as well as "genuinely thoughtful" and a "major milestone."

The Chicago Sun-Times' hard boiled critic Roger Ebert, who has called the film "A Masterpiece," sat down with Spielberg and the film's star Tom Cruise to discuss Minority Report, and comes off sounding as giddy as a school girl who has a long established reputation for sounding giddy in general and an especially strong specific reason for feeling giddy at that particular moment.

For the record: Here's the trailer and here's the official site.

Can't wait, can't wait, can't wait!

Rock spiders trapped in Amber
This just in: The Internet is full of perverts and it's pretty easy to find them. This according to writer K.Thor Jensen, a 25 year-old New Yorker who cruises the high-ways and by-ways of cyber space under the assumed identity of the Amber Forever, an imaginary 14 year old girl from San Diego. It seems that everywhere Amber goes, there are grown-up perverts all ready and eager to take advantage of her. Jenson has posted the chatlogs of Amber's online mis-adventures on his website.

As you read these logs of real online conversations, you cannot help but feel a little disquieted, even as Jenson mercilessly reels in his twisted prey. This is because as funny as these wind-ups are, and many will have you in tears of laughter, you know that once the chat ends, the freak under the thumb-screws will move on. It really makes you think.

Thanks to Toronto's own Marmalade for pointing me in the right direction.

Hell in a handbasket
Aaargh! Hate penalty shootouts. Hate them.

Great effort though.

PS New banner. Again.
PPS Removed annoying clock thing.
PPPS If I were a world cup team...

My
personality matches the Brazillian national team

I'm as cool and relaxed as people say I am, yet this doesn't stop me from showing some true flare from time to time!

Take
the quiz,
by tunde

One ALL!!!!!
Seconds remaining in regular time and Robbie Keane buries the penalty! Four minutes of injury time to go. Oh, please don't blow it.

Erin Go Bragh!
The naughty schoolboy in me still snickers when I hear that.

The Republic of Ireland V Spain: As I type, the game is about twenty minutes old and Spain is up by one. Oh dear. Make that two. Oh thank god, he was off side. It's still one-nil, but I have to say that this is not looking good. What I wouldn't give to be back in Galway, watching the game in one of town's the many great pubs. I lived there for two years. You knew that, right? Two whole misspent, ill advised years pretending I was a novelist, working in pubs, cafes and industrial laundries.

One year, eleven months and two weeks too long.

Now I love Ireland, my mother was Irish and it's my spiritual home, but you spend two years living and working in Galway and you'll know why people are so keen to get away. This is a country where changes in US immigration policy make the evening news.

Now someone's going to read that and say I don't love Ireland. I do! Erin Go Bragh, babycakes. But it's the kind of love you feel for a girl who farts and tweezes in your presence; it's a love tempered by experience.

I have a friend back in Australia who loves Ireland with a passion I could never comprehend. Chris was born and bred in rural NSW. Very much the back of whoop whoop. Chris looks country. He sounds country. His family have been in Australia for three generations. The only time he ever left Australia was to attend a former roommate's wedding in India, yet his devotion to the land of poets and scholars is pure and steadfast. Your can be sure that as I type this Chris is glued to his set, shouting insults at the neutral referee. In Irish, no less. He's been taking lessons for years.

Chris turns up at Irish pubs at three o'clock in the blessed a.m. to watch the Hurling. He knows the teams; he even knows the player's stats.

I lived in Galway for two years, and I couldn't even tell you if we had a team.

So Come on Ireland, you can take those Spaniards. Erin Go Bragh!

Do it for Chris.

What time is it?
Yes, I think it's adorable too. No, I didn't write it. So Yes, I borrowed it from another site. No, I don't think that's particularly clever. Yes, I am a little ashamed. No, I probably wont keep it forever. Yes, you could easily borrow the code and stick it on your site. No, you wont be immune to feelings of guilt either.