R rated must-read article of the year
What happens when a writer with integrity decides to bring wit and charm to the porn industry?

I know you may be skeptical, but I promise that this is the funniest thing you will read this year. And you can take that promise to the bank.

"I know what you're worried about," he said, furrowing his brow. "And I wish I could help you. But we're on a tight budget here, and I can't tear down a perfectly good prison set just because there doesn't happen to be a prison in the movie."

The Rebellion will be televised
Only three years to go until Star Wars: Episode 3. Is it time to get in line yet?

I loved Attack of the Clones, I don't care who knows it. I was there for the midnight showing. The original Star Wars will always be first in my heart (it pretty well defined my childhood) but AOTC is definitely my second favourite of all the Star Wars films.

So, what can we expect to see in the third film? Obviously it's going to be a bit of a downer, but Lucas still has a lot of loose ends to tie-up. Many of those loose ends relate to the two droids, implausibly added to the prequels because they provide continuity and don't age like regular actors. But their story leaves a few questions to be answered. Why don't Uncle Lars and Aunt Baru remember R2D2 and C3PO in the original film? What happened to R2's jet pack? For a start, the droids will have to have their memories erased.

There will be less surprises. Lucas will necessarily be setting up the future which we know is coming. The birth of the twins, the fall of Anakin, the rise of the Empire, the exile of Yoda and Obi Wan, the death of Mace Windu and the other Jedi; all these things must come to pass. Already there are some moments in the prequels which foreshadow future events, such as when Obi Wan says to Anakin: "You'll be the death of me." Well, quite. But it must be said that some of the foreshadowing seems a little forced at times. No pun intended.

The good folks at The Brunching Shuttlecocks have given this issue some not so serious thought.

Click here for their hilarious take on foreshadowing likely to appear in Episode 3.

Why Kieran is so bitter and twisted: Part 601b (Volume VII)
In some ways I'm quite small. Petty is a good word. This morning I decided to do a Google search on my name. I suppose everyone does them from time to time. I was not surprised to discover that I am the first "Kieran McCabe" that Google returns, although I'm not the only one. There was no shock on the blog name front either, I am the the first kaymc.

Validation, thy name is Google.

Yes, all was beer and skittles (or wine and roses, if you prefer) until I tried the big one, the only one that really counts. Was I Google's favourite Kieran? No! In fact, I'm fifth. At number four, we have a Saint (actually, that should read saints, for there was more than one St Kieran); at three, an Irish folk singer and not a bad one either; while at number two we have a cheesey Irish theme pub in Minneapolis. Far be it for me to begrudge people their Guinness.

So who is the number one Kieran on the planet, according to Google's infalible ratings system? Some hippy Cannuck! I swear these Canadians are breeding! Oh, ok, so he may be the world's foremost thinker on Children's Education, and a bit of a genius to boot, but that doesn't change the fact that he stole the number one Google ranking from me. So unfair!

If you're really bored, you can click here to listen to him whine his theories at the CBC's clearly disinterested Shelagh Rogers. Have you ever noticed that every third woman in Canada is named Shelagh? I think maybe there's some kind of law.

I don't know why I'm bothering to link to these other Kieran's. It only helps their Google ranking.

I've only myself to blame, I suppose. If I'd named this thing Kieran's Blog or somesuch, then I'd probably be number one Kieran by now. Then surely world domination would be but a heart beat away.

Repeating myself
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. British television has the best advertisments in the world. Why? I don't know. It may have something to do with the fact that most broadcasting here is national. You don't see a lot of local retail advertising, as you would in Australia or the US.

Continuing my commitment to bring the best of British advertising to the geographically disadvantaged, I present the frankly brilliant Carling Beer "Frustrating" ad. I actually searched high and low on the web for a Carling presence, but they seem to have none. Luckily Andy Savage of Absolutely Andy fame has included it in his growing collection of classics.

It's very short, only about 700k, so right click here, select save target as, and you're away.

I promise that you will love it. Or your money back.

The Great Escape!
As most of the UK settled down in front of the television this morning, two huge stories began to break. You can be sure little very work will be done today as water cooler fans far and wide gather to savour the delightful implications. At the crucial 7:30am World Cup kick-off between England and Nigeria, most of the housemates in the now divided Big Brother house gathered to watch the first twenty-five minutes of the game. This was a reward for a task completed the evening before. One of their number, however, was not watching. For as his fellow housemates and, we can suppose, most of England sat glued to the most boring game of soccer ever played, the other quietly began his journey into infamy.


Image (c) Channel 4

In scenes reminiscent of Paul Brickhill novel or a prisoner of war escape film, kilt-wearing ex-army personal shopper Sandy made his daring dash for freedom. He scaled the garden fence and clambered across the roof before finally making his way over the perimeter wire. Sandy had not been happy inside the Big Brother house. He had said that he didn't want to "walk out the back door" as fellow housemate Sunita had done in the second week. He had hoped he would be nominated and evicted, but for some perverse reason, the housemates chose not to nominate him this week. Clearly the former Royal Marine Sandy decided that if couldn't go out the front door, and he didn't want to go out the back door, then he would have to make his own, third option.

Way to go Sandy!

Here's the story on the official site. You'll find the site is quite slow today. You can be sure that their servers are being hammered like never before. Lycos has pulled the unofficial fan site Online Big Brother, because of exceeded bandwidth issues.

Oh, and the second big story? The game was a draw, but England is through to the last sixteen anyway. Yay!

Blogger pride! The blogger survey
This is something new for my blog. I've finally done one of those survey things. This one was created by Daniel Talsky of Tiny Blog fame. Thanks to the Busgirl for pointing me in the right direction.

Ethics/Personal Life:
[1] Has a blog post ever got you into trouble?
No, but I keep hoping. I’m sure I’ve annoyed or bored a few people along the way, but no one is taking out a contract on my life just yet. Besides, it’s not like anyone actually reads this stuff.

[2] How many people do you know face-to-face who read your weblog?
OK, maybe there are a few.

• I know that Dave, a friend who helped me resolve some serious CSS issues with the blog, drops in from time to time. If only to make sure that I don’t ruin the template he put so much time into fixing for me.
• Ron’s a pal. He likes to pop in and make fun of any articles I link to.
• When Adam is not too busy hanging out with casting directors and London-based supermodels, he sometimes puts in an appearance.
• Mark is an occasional visitor, when he’s not out on a North Sea Oil Rig.
• Even big-deal edumucator Emma has been known to grace this blog with her presence.

[3] Have you met any of your regional (or even remote) bloggers?
Not a one. Anyone want to meet ‘lil ‘ole me?

[4] Do you modify or delete posts? How often? Why?
Yes, almost always. I have to, I am incapable of spotting any spelling mistakes until I click Publish.

[5] How much is your weblog a part of your personal identity? Do you feel like people who don't know about your blog don't really know you?
Of course not! I suppose you would get an insight into my personality by reading this blog, but it doesn’t define me. It’s just something I do. Blogging is a form of communication and self expression, but it can only reflect your identity, not define it.

[6] How has blogging changed your life?
I go hot and cold on this thing. It can become a bit of an obsession. I don’t want it to take over, just add a bit of spice to it. Besides, I love to write. I loved writing before the blog, and I’ll continue to love writing after I get bored with kaymc.

Technical/Design:
[7] Do you know how to code at all? Did you learn how to code by blogging?
Well, I’m a programmer. It’s what I do for a living, or rather did do. Unemployment is no joke. But my experience of web design was quite limited. I used to have a personal web page devoted to the films of director Whit Stillman. I did a lot of coding for that, but nothing too fancy. I’ve certainly learnt a lot more this time around.

[8] What weblogging tool do you use and why?
I use Blogger because that’s the one I started with and I see no reason to change just yet. One day I’ll go all Movable Type, like everybody else, but for now I’m happy.

[9] Does the design seem like something that is just something that has to be dispensed with in order to be able to write publicly, or is your design an integral part of your writing and presentation?
That question is too hard. I’m just a programmer.

[10] How many times have you changed your weblog design entirely (or nearly so)?
I started out with the standard Cranberry Socks template. I began tinkering pretty much straight away. Within a week my template was completely unrecognisable, and it continued to evolve as I borrowed ideas from other blogs.

After a month or so, I decided that a complete overhaul/re-design was in order. I had notions of a 3 or 4 column newspaper format. I tried but failed, finally setting on something not entirely unlike that which you see today. It was then that Dave (aka the Corriemonster) stepped in to help clean up my amateurish code.

Readership/Motivation:
[11] How many people would you guess (educated guess based on hit counts/logfiles) read your weblog on a weekly basis at least?
My hits vary widely, from very big days like yesterday, when over fifty people visited, to the slow days when I feel happy with ten. I guess I average about thirty visits a day, so thirty times seven… carry the two… take away the number you first thought of… ummm… Where’s that calculator?

[12] What have you done to get more people to look at your site?
All the usual stuff. Joined Blogsnob, Wander-lust and a few webrings. Reminded friends at every opportunity that they should read it.

[13] What one or two characteristics make a blog really popular? Are there things that you could do to have more people read your weblog that you conciously do not do? Why?
I think humour is the universal. There are all sorts of spins you can take on top of that: Topical, sexy, political, just links, deeply personal, etc. Then, of course, there’s the ever popular all-quizzes, all-the-time format. I guess I could make the blog more popular if I tried to be funnier, but I know that when I push it too much it just doesn’t work.

[14] What really popular weblog do you think most deserves it...and/or least deserves it?
I’m not sure I can answer this question. Any writer who puts in the time and effort to produce a blog deserves any success they get.

[15] How do you feel about your readership? What makes for a quality readership to you?
I love them. I feel a real kinship with anyone who takes the time to read my poor scribblings. And I know for a fact that some of these people produce quality blogs of their own. They are all so clever and funny.

Influence of Other Bloggers:
[16] What other blogger is most responsible for you starting your own weblog.
Tim Blair. Sad, but true. Politically we could not be more different, but he makes me laugh.

[17] Who was the first other blogger (that you know of) who put you on their sidebar, and how did you feel? How did it influence your blogging?
Seems like it’s the sort of event you’d put in your diary, but I honestly don’t know. I had plenty of people link in regular blog entries, but as to who first put me in their sidebar, I really don’t know. It might have been Jenn of Always the Freak fame.

[18] What other blogger do you most admire for her writing skills?
Well, LoriLoo is by far my favourite blog. There is, of course, no way I could emulate what she does. Her writing is uniquely smart and engaging.

[19] What other blogger do you most admire for her design skills?
LoobyLu.

[20] Who is a blogger that you think is really good but doesn't get nearly the attention they are worthy of?
Again, I’d point to LoriLoo.

[21] Do you feel obligated to have people on your link lists/sidebars that you never read?
No, I read everyone up there. I save the ones I don't read for my bookmarks. There must be 200 bloggers listed there, of which more than half only get visited on a semi-regular basis.

[22] What one or two characteristics define a really quality blog (in your humble opinion, of course)?
Humour and heart.

Bonus Question:
[23] Do you fear The Booge?
Well, clearly I do. What kind of fool would I be if I didn't?

Link de jour
I post this link just in case you're one of the few, the very few blog readers who hasn't yet been exposed to the South Park Character Creator. You have now officially joined the majority. Here's me, South Park style.

Blogrolling. Again
Tonight I'm adding two more blogs to the list. Both make excellent reads, and I heartily recommend them to you. Be assured that I do not take such things lightly. Today's reader expects more from their blogs than ever before. I feel certain that these two are more than ready to meet your exacting standards.

I don't know why I have to do them in pairs. It's not like they need to hold each other's hands when they cross the street. I guess it's a compulsion. Or something.

• According to the blurb, at Kacroon's World, "anything can happen.... and usually does!" Well, maybe. To be perfectly frank, Karen mostly just rambles on about Big Brother and VW Combi Vans. Mostly. Which is, I suppose, why I like her blog so much.


• As if there weren't enough of them in Canadia, now there's a Canadian Undergraduate in London. Isn't there anything we can do about that? Pop on over and say, "eh?"

A quiz too far
Online quizzes: They're the bread crumbs in the sausage casing that is the blogging trade. All filler, little natural goodness but cheap. No blood, sweat or tears required.

No blogger wants to have to post the results of some completely pointless online quiz. The blogger knows that no one in their right mind gives a foetid dingo's kidney what kind of Jedi or colour or office supply item you claim to be.

As if the blogger who posts their results even cares!

Yet from time to time most of use are compelled to post a quiz result. We draw no precious insight from finding out that we are, in some deeply important cosmic sense, akin to a stapler or that our soul might be a kind of purpley-mauve. No, its just that these quiz things are easy. Dead easy. No careful self analysis required. No searching for the perfect word to express our love or loathing for marzipan.

Today's working blogger holds no real hope that their inner selves are revealed by their responses to 10 fairly trivial multiple choice questions.

So why do it? Let's be honest, everyone likes being asked their opinion. We all want to believe that our feelings are valued, even if it's only by some poorly written Javascript code. Our pains are rewarded with a funny little graphic that we can post on our blog. Bread crumbs.

Cute content minus effort. That's got to be a good thing.

Right?

The Completely Pointless Personality Quiz

Wonderful stuff.

What I love about the The Completely Pointless Personality Quiz is that they totally get it. It's all very post-modern. There's no pretense at meaning. No discernible correlation between the "questions" asked and the outcome of the quiz. Each result is assigned in an apparently arbitrary way to a percentage score.

There's no attempt to explain the result. It's not a metaphor. No one's saying that I'm like a Large Pizza. Not at all. No, they're claiming that I actually AM a Large Pizza -- That's because I scored 25% on a purposely meaningless test! Not a small pizza, mind you, but a large one.

I like to think that in a way you're encouraged to fill in the details for yourself. I believe that if I really were a Large Pizza, I'd be a Papa John's Garden Special, with extra olives. I bet I'd taste pretty darn good too. I'm sure that coupons of some sort or another would be involved in my purchase.

Twenty-five percent!

Brilliant!

Using your phone-a-blogger lifeline
Everyone's favourite artist/blogger LoobyLu was a phone-a-friend on a yet to air episode of the Australian version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire? Click here to read her fanstastic inside story of flags, Google and being made fun of by a TV host. You can also read her friend's account of actually sitting in the hotseat.

"Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" without Chris Tarrant?!? Freak show!