Oh dear
I've heard of guys begging for it, but this is just ridic..... Oh, just click.

Kieran rejoins the 21st century
As of half an hour ago I have electricity pumping into my water-soaked flat. Everything works except for the light fitting in the longue room. They're saying give it 5 days before I try it again. If it still doesn't work then it's time to start pulling the ceiling apart.

Never thought I could miss TV so much. As I type the electrician is busy restoring power to the other flats. Soon everyone will be able to share my joy. Now, where's that remote control? (Looks like I'm already finding reasons to miss that light fitting).

A blessed event
Still no power at Chez kaymc; Once again this posting comes from the dazzling white-hot centre of Surrey technology that is the Redhill Cybercafe and Video Store. We had various electricians visit yesterday, finally giving up at a quarter past midnight. They were, of course, due to return bright and early this A.M. but, as you might have guessed, no joy so far.

I could bore you with details of life by candlelight and enforced freezer defrostings, but I think the important thing is that you know that my eating that entire tub of Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough Ice-Cream was not a responsibility I took on lightly.

Meanwhile, there are bigger things afoot; In Germany, of all places.

You may recall reading of my friend Justin in Owingen and his mis-adventures with jet airliners colliding above his house. Well, excitement has yet again entered into Justin's otherwise freakishly dull life.

It is my happy duty to inform you that at 8:21am CET this past Tuesday morning, Justin's far-too-good-for-the-likes-of-him girlfriend Ramona gave birth to a bouncing baby girl. The happy couple, or perhaps that should read happy mother and severely hung-over dad, have named their 50cm, 7(ish)lb bundle of joy, Selina (spelt that way inspite of commonly accepted practice).

Yes, our Justin is now a dad, and it looks like Ramona is stuck with him. Worse luck.

While speaking with Justin last night there was a real sense of two guys head-butting each other to prove they had the better annocdote. It was a close run thing.

"There was a leak upstairs."

"Ramona woke me at 4am with labour pains."

"Well it was raining in my living room."

"I had to drive her to the hospital with the worst hangover of my life."

"I have a small lake where my couch used to be."

"Ramona popped after four hours of labour. I got to see EVERYTHING!"

"Well, all the fuse boxes in our building are fried."

"Kieran, I'm a dad!!!!! She's so tiny."

That Justin is such a show off. Always has to go one better.

Anyhow, back to the old homestead, to await electricians. If I get power back today (which I should do) then I'll post again later on.

P.S. Is my Blog HOT or NOT?

Wet and annoyed
Not a cloud in the sky outside; it's bright, sunny and warm. So why am I drenched? Because it's been raining in my longue room! Those who know me will know of the endless saga of leaks from the flat above, but today was a new watermark. Pun intended.

I awoke this morning to what sounded like a rain storm. I raced into the longue (where my computers, expensive widescreen TV, satellite box, stereo, surround sound system, PS2 and VCR also exist) only to discover a spring shower of of yellow rain falling from all over the ceiling.

ANOTHER FREAKIN' LEAK!

Called the landlord, who turned off the water supply upstairs, and arranged for the plumber, electrician etc. But hours later the residual water which soaked into the roof is stilling raining down. Needless to say, I've covered what I can with plastic bags, but the power is going to be off for quite some time.

It's a bit disconcerting when you're watching water dripping down from the lightbulb in the ceiling.

Anyhow, so I'm now sitting in my local cybercafe / video store (Redhill's finest!), going through caffine withdrawl. I need to find coffeee quick. I'll update you again when I get the power turned on at home.

P.S. The second Coverty interview yesterday went well. As near as I can tell, I'm number one on the list at the moment, but they have two more second interviews this week, and one early next week. So I should know for sure by Tuesday or Wednesday at the latest. Oh god, please! The savings are only going to last so long.

P.P.S. Is my Blog HOT or NOT?

Is my Blog HOT or NOT?
Never one to look a gift meme in the mouth... You've heard of Am I HOT or or NOT? Monkey HOT or NOT? and every other boring derivative on the theme of relative HOTness or NOTness? Well, now people can rate blogs too.

Yay team.

And thus humanity takes another faltering step into the light. The bright world of tomorrow awaits.

You can find a link on the sidebar, or you can click here. Go on, give my ego a boost. When I get back from yet another failed job interview in the evening, I'm probably going to need one.

Where have they gone?!

Readin', writin' and second interviews.
I have been sweating away, writing an article which I hope to sell to a magazine. The other day I had a wonderful idea for a blog entry which rapidly outgrew a single posting. Pretty soon I had convinced myself it was something I could sell, and ever since I've been a busy beaver polishing away. Shh don't tell anyone, in case it all goes the way of my hoped-for career as a novelist.

But of course when there's work to do, there are always trashy sci-fi novels to be reread. Unfortunately, yesterday my supply finally ran out, so I plucked my copy of Dave Egger's A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius from the bookshelf and decided to give it another go. This is my third attempt so far. Boy it's tough. Has anyone actually ever finished this book?

Let me go on record: I'm a McSweeney's subscriber and regular reader of the website, but if a card carrying fan like myself couldn't swallow the book, how on Earth did everyone else manage? I suspect that this is the modern equivalent of Stephen Hawking's Brief History, a largely unread best seller.

All of which means, I suppose, that it's time to get back to the article.

P.S. And speaking of work, tomorrow is the second interview for the Coventry job. Fingers crossed.

The wheels of justice
You may recall this blog entry where I complained about receiving the following scam text message on my mobile:

A £150 GIFT! As a valued mobile network customer you have been selected to receive a £150 gift. To collect is easy. Just call 0906 xxx xxxx

Well, needless to say I didn't call, but I did send details of the scam to the appropriate authorities. Today I received the following email confirming that yes, it was a scam, an that the people behind it have been fined £10,000:

I am writing in response to your complaint regarding the above.

As you may now be aware, ICSTIS supervises both the content and advertising for premium rate services. ICSTIS develops and applies a Code of Practice to the companies which operate premium rate services (service providers). These companies are bound by their contract with the network operators such as BT, Cable & Wireless and Vodafone to comply with the requirements of this Code. Premium rate numbers are usually prefixed with the 090 code.

In view of complaints that it had received, ICSTIS (the Secretariat) initiated an investigation into this premium rate promotion, which appeared to be a competition. The Secretariat noted that the promotional text messages which encouraged calls to this premium rate number appeared to be misleading; it was apparent that the ‘motivating text message’ also failed to include compulsory information which is required under the ICSTIS Code of Practice, for example, a call charge disclaimer, a maximum call cost or duration, identity and contact details and an adequate description of the ‘prize’. Other apparent breaches relating to the operation of a competition service were also noted. The Secretariat noted also that the message on the £1.50 per minute premium rate number seemed to be unreasonably prolonged. The Secretariat was aware that the promotion consisted of two text messages, however, it was also our opinion that the first text message containing the premium rate number was the ‘active’ promotion, as it contained the ‘motivating’ information. The company responsible for this promotion (Zintrax Ltd) was invited to comment on these apparent breaches of the ICSTIS Code of Practice; they were also asked to supply evidence of the bona-fides of this purported ‘competition’, for example, details of winners and ‘prizes’ awarded, etc.. In case you were not already aware, the ‘£150 prize’ referred to in this promotion appears to be some form of cosmetic beauty treatment.

The service provider (Zintrax Ltd) responded, not accepting that they had breached the ICSTIS Code of Practice in any way. Zintrax Ltd sought to assure ICSTIS that their promotion was entirely above board and without fault. When the Committee considered this case it decided however to uphold the breaches raised by the Secretariat (for the reasons detailed above). The Committee considered this case to be serious and fined Zintrax Ltd £10,000 and barred access to this service for a minimum period of six months.

I s'pose that's what they call ironingic - Updated!
Kate Lawley may have walked off into the Big Brother 3 sunset with her £70,000 winner's cheque, but it is rapidly becoming clear that Jade is the real winner. It is being reported that The Sun paid her a whopping £500,000 for her exclusive story. So here's what they got for their money:

Apparently her mother is a one armed lesbian who used to beat her as a child, Kate was a bitch, she has nover posed for porn, she used to smoke pot, she once got caught for shoplifting, she fancies Jonny and she didn't give PJ a hand job after all. (Who really believed hands were involved anyway?)

As for Kate, what do you think, Kids TV presenter or reporter on some UK Living knock-off of Changing Rooms?

Jade's windfall continued:
+£900,000 for Hello Magazine
+£100,000 for a Cider advertisement

Take two blogs and call me in the morning
Today I've added two of my regular reads to the old list on the sidebar. Si of Stark Reminder fame and Lisa at Pop-up Toaster. Both are pretty special in their own way.

Si's very personal chronicle of everyday pain and hope is suffused with a keen eye and a tough sense of humour.

Lisa's blog is very funny and, what's more, her illustrated mascot is hot enough to put Betty Rubble or Judy Jetson to shame.

As an example of the sort of link you'll find on her blog, check out this hillarious bit:
"I TRIED TO DIAL THE WARCRAFT III TIPS LINE, BUT THEN THINGS GOT RAUNCHY"

Aiming high
Someday I want to use the words "Forget it, Jake -- It's Chinatown," in actual conversation.

Doin' it for the kids
The Kids these days with the Rocking and the Rolling! You see them, next to the stereogram, bopping their head and snapping their fingers in time to the jungle rythms, with their Hey Daddios and their Mans. They think it's a real solid groove to throw their lives away like that.

If I had my way, I'd line them up against a wall and have their hair cut.

The real problem, of course, is that they haven't been exposed to good music. They need to take the time to sit down and appreciate the composer's intentions. I blame the conductors. Why, I went to a performance of Beethoven's Ninth only last year and it was over in just 75 minutes! No wonder the kids are turning away from classical music, with reckless young punks like Von Karajan bringing the Ninth in under an hour and a half.

Well thank god that there's someone out there who cares. If you visit 9 Beet Stretch you can listen to Beethoven's Ninth the way he originally intended it to be played. This new recording takes the full twenty-four hours!

The new-old 24 hour Ninth; Listen and be amazed. Don't forget to tie your local teen hep-cat to a chair before you start. Sure he'll complain at first, but in the end he'll thank you for it.

He might even cut his hair.